Blind Rage

Aug 16th, 2017 Death, Grief, Kids Grief, Life, Loss, Running, Solo Parenting, Uncategorized Staci Maher Ball

The first graders then took the stage. I proudly watched Nathan as they all took their places. He looked so cute. They started their song. At first I was not really paying attention to the words. I was just so intent on watching my sweet little boy. But then the words penetrated and I nearly vomited. The song the first graders were singing was about Dads. It was about how great their Dads are, all the things their Dads do with them, and how much they love their Dads. In addition to almost vomiting, I felt a fire explode in my gut. #blindrage #seeingred #fbombs #ChrisRock #protectiveparent

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The Most Screwed

Aug 10th, 2017 Death, Grief, Kids Grief, Life, Loss Staci Maher Ball

Who gets screwed the most when a young father dies? His wife? His kids? His own parents? His own siblings? His own friends? His beloved Jack Russell Terrier? I have logged so many running miles contemplating this question. I don’t know why but it was a question I could not stop noodling. Five years after my husband died leaving me with two little boys ages six and two, I think I have the answer. #runningthroughgrief #deathsucks #kidsgrief

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Just Get Up

Jul 17th, 2017 Death, Grief, Kids Grief, Loss, Running, Solo Parenting Staci Maher Ball

So for those of you who are suffering from a tremendous loss and also have kids, my number one piece of advice is: Just Get Up. Get out of bed. Run if you can. Walk if you can. Shower. Get Dressed. Be present for your kids. I know it’s not easy. I know you just want to shut the world out. Five years later, there are still days that I have to tell myself to just get up. But five years later I am just so damned proud of myself that I just got up. #grief #stayinbed #keeprunning #runningthroughgrief #widowwithkids #justgetup

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A Widow’s Lesson: Three Types of People

Jul 11th, 2017 Death, Grief, Kids Grief, Loss, Running Staci Maher Ball

Ultimately, here is the lesson that I have learned from being a young Widow. There are three types of people in life but there is just one simple math equation that matters. If the sum of Group One and Group Two is greater than the amount in Group Three….you are blessed. #running #grief #friends #kidsgrief #moveon #widowiwithkids

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Clone Me

Jun 26th, 2017 Death, Grief, Kids Grief, Running, Solo Parenting, Uncategorized Staci Maher Ball

Sometimes running helps turn my mood around. It allows me to shed my anger on the road like a snake sheds its skin. After those runs I can let go of whatever is bothering me, my body relaxes, and I feel literally lighter. But not today. I was even angrier after I got off that treadmill. Sometimes running through grief just does not work. Those days are some of my toughest days. #solomom #soloparenting #widowwithkids #competitive soccer #angrygrief #baseball #parenting

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Our Best Guess

Jun 1st, 2017 Death, Grief, Life Staci Maher Ball

About two months after Gordie died, the investigation came to an end. The Sergeant in charge of the investigation called me and told me he and the Coroner were ready to meet with the family. I asked him for a preview of what they would tell us. He told me that they had ruled out homicide but had no other answers. They were unable to figure out exactly how Gordie got into the pool on that day in March and why he was not able to get out. I hung up the phone and screamed into my pillow. #investigation, #running, #grief, #suddendeath, #unexplaineddeath

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The Art of Solo Parenting

May 14th, 2017 Death, Grief, Running, Solo Parenting Staci Maher Ball

Solo parenting is not what most would choose. I was terrified about solo parenting when I was widowed five years ago and I was right to be terrified. It’s exhausting, it’s frustrating, it’s frazzling, and it’s scary. Surviving solo parenting takes extreme energy, discipline, perseverance; balance and careful arrangement on a daily basis. #soloparenting, #running, #grief, #parenting, #widowswithkids

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Desperately Seeking My Husband

May 2nd, 2017 Death, Grief, Loss Staci Maher Ball

The nights are like a slow motion movie. I developed a late night obsession of trying to find some sort of connection to Gordie. I was desperately searching for a connection to my husband who was now gone. After months, I confessed my nightly obsession to my Therapist and asked if she thought it was weird. She smiled and shook her head. I was relieved. #running, #grief

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