The Funeral

Nov 27th, 2016 Death, Grief, Kids Grief, Life, Loss, Running Staci Maher Ball

I really remember very little about the actual funeral. I know the Priest did a great job but I could not tell you anything about it. I just sat there and looked at the coffin and wondered when I was going to wake up from this nightmare. When it was over Nathan and I followed the casket outside. I could feel most people at the funeral watching us. I took a final look at the casket in the back and then nodded at the Funeral Director. He closed the back and then walked to the driver’s side and climbed in. He started the car. I started to feel panicked. Gordie was leaving. Forever. I watched the hearse drive away as huge tears fell from my face, splashing on to the pavement. I looked down. My tears were so big, they left wet marks on the pavement, like raindrops. #funeral #sayinggoodbyeforthelasttime #widow #wakemeupfromthisnightmare #coffin

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Losing my husband and home in less than 24 hours

Nov 19th, 2016 Grief, Kids Grief, Life, Loss, Running Staci Maher Ball

The morning after my husband died, I realized that I also no longer had a home that was really mine. It was time to move out. We did not own the Estate but it had become our home the past fourteen months. Wyatt had taken his first steps in this house. Nathan and Gordie had played flag football on the back lawn for countless hours. Gordie had taught Wyatt to hit a golf ball off the back porch. We had spent our last Christmas as a family here. Gordie had hid hundreds of eggs around the grounds for our last Easter egg hunt. We had taken so many family walks around the grounds with Wyatt in his push car, Nathan driving his motorized Jimmy Johnson car, and Ralphie running gloriously off leash, all around the enclosed property. The Estate was our home and now it wasn’t. My In-Laws would never have forced us out but we could not live there anymore. Our home had been ripped from us, just like Gordie had been. #losingalmosteverything #grievingandhomeless #intheblinkofaneye #widows

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The Nightmare – Losing my Spouse

Nov 13th, 2016 Death, Grief, Kids Grief, Loss, Running Staci Maher Ball

The drive home from work was beautiful. It was a sunny Friday afternoon in March and I was full of excitement for a great weekend with the boys and Gordie. Tomorrow was the first day of practice for Nathan’s little league team on which Gordie was to be one of the Assistant Coaches. It would be his first time coaching baseball for one of our sons. The weather was suppose to be nice all weekend. I thought maybe we’ll take a walk this weekend, maybe Nathan can even ride his bike while we push Wyatt in his toy car. Maybe we’ll get pizza tonight after Gordie finishes working on his remodeling project at my parents’ house. Maybe we’ll watch one of the episodes of “The Firm” that we had recorded after the boys go to bed. I did not realize that my life was just minutes from changing forever. #running, #grief, #suddendeath, #intheblinkofaneye

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