How one woman used #running to help survive the loss of her husband and raise two boys on her own.
Ten years ago today my husband, Gordie, died suddenly. Sometimes I feel like he has been gone for 50 years. Sometimes I feel like he has only been gone 50 days. My sons and I have moved forward with our lives but it has been a rough road. Here are ten things I’ve learned in the ten years I have been a Widow. 1) It…
My sons and I recently welcomed a new member to our family, a beautiful white lab named Aspen. But her arrival has put me back into my Widow’s funk. As much happiness as Aspen brings to my boys, and admittedly me at times, her arrival has also been a bitter reminder that I am alone. The past two weeks have shone a light on the fact that I am raising two boys, and now a puppy, on my own. It’s just me. I don’t have a partner anymore. I never really forget this but sometimes I can ignore it. However, in this time of Puppy-Ville, I can’t ignore it. #puppy #keeprunning #solomom
For that reason, I believe that Gordie hand-picked Kevin and asked God to put Kevin in our path. Kevin has the qualities that Gordie would have wanted in a substitute Dad for his boys: kind, generous, a little wild, funny, a passion for sports, a guy who can fix things, and a bit of a rebellious side. When I am running, I often think about Gordie and Kevin. In another lifetime, I think they would have been good friends. Sometimes on those runs it makes me sad that they never actually met. But I know that they will meet one day…hopefully not for a good 50 years. I can tell you what will happen at that first meeting.
One of the main reasons I write about my life and experience is to help others. I firmly believe that my husband would want me to do this. So, as I am about start my 7th year as a Widow, I will attempt to pass to you the perspective, outlook, and approach to life that I have gained in the last six years. My hope is that it will make you stop, think, and perhaps change without having to pay the price that I did.
Grief has never really left our home but it has a much quieter presence than it did a few years ago. It is no longer nearly destroying our lives on a daily basis. But I know it will most likely rise up again and there is nothing I can do to prevent it. I live everyday knowing my sons’ grief will come back. And I will continue to scour them for signs that it’s here. Like many other widows and widowers with kids, I’m just waiting for it. Waiting for the grief to return. #widowwithkids #childrensgrief #kidsgrief #keeprunning #runningthroughgrief
The first graders then took the stage. I proudly watched Nathan as they all took their places. He looked so cute. They started their song. At first I was not really paying attention to the words. I was just so intent on watching my sweet little boy. But then the words penetrated and I nearly vomited. The song the first graders were singing was about Dads. It was about how great their Dads are, all the things their Dads do with them, and how much they love their Dads. In addition to almost vomiting, I felt a fire explode in my gut. #blindrage #seeingred #fbombs #ChrisRock #protectiveparent
From not being able to open a spaghetti jar to catching lizards to scary noises at night, here are the 25 things I still hate about being a widow. #soloparenting #widow #runningthroughgrief #ihatespiders #grief
So for those of you who are suffering from a tremendous loss and also have kids, my number one piece of advice is: Just Get Up. Get out of bed. Run if you can. Walk if you can. Shower. Get Dressed. Be present for your kids. I know it’s not easy. I know you just want to shut the world out. Five years later, there are still days that I have to tell myself to just get up. But five years later I am just so damned proud of myself that I just got up. #grief #stayinbed #keeprunning #runningthroughgrief #widowwithkids #justgetup
Nathan’s 7th birthday was two months and 19 days after Gordie died. How could I make his birthday fun and memorable for him when his Dad would not be there? #kidsgrief #losingyourdad #birthday #hawk #running #OaklandRaiders
